A note on attachment and possession
Tl;dr: don’t get attached to anything in life. Everything ends.
Today, I found myself feeling a different sense of.. space. Mentally speaking anyway. For those of us who are lucky enough to take refuge and belong to the Western world, we are often taught that the sky is the limit. What a beautiful and hopeful message that is; you need only direct your energy and full might towards achieving whatever is on your mind, and yours it is. As we have commonly heard: shoot for the moon, and you might land among the stars. And shoot for the moon we did, and landed in a country with 50 of the promised on its flag. The perfect incubator for everything the world has to offer. The ultimate dream.
I do not necessarily have any objection to this. One must be blind to not see what the West has to offer. From the perspective of an international, we are often told that you get what you work for here, which isn’t necessarily false — just depends on how you see it. Nonetheless, this isn’t about whether this promise is misleading or not (because honestly, who’s to say?). Ask those who made it, and they will tell you it really is everything you were promised. Ask the other half and.. well — don’t expect much. The truth is, it really is a unique experience, so you’ll have to decide what it all really means for you. After spending 2 years here, I still can’t say I’ve formed a solid opinion either. But that may be because of how inexperienced I am.
Getting closer and closer to 24 years of age, there are things I’ve thought about too — not only about the West — but about possessions in general. Now, my thinking might be affected by the fact that I am a recent graduate from university. I remember hearing that after graduating, it’s common to find yourself feeling lost and aimless — trying to hold on to something while deciding on the next step of your life. So — it is entirely possible that I am feeling overly melancholic in light of that. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find motivation to move forward in life, but my main concern today was the realization that basing your main source of motivation on a consumerist-centered idea seems to prove counterintuitive. In the end, you never truly own anything — despite what I’ve been told over and over again.
I think it took me a while to realize it, but looking back at it — I see how trivial it all is. Getting lost in thoughts, I found myself asking the same thing over and over again: what moves everyone forward? It’s imperative to aim for something, and if a flashy achievement gets you out of bed in the morning, then I think there is nothing inherently wrong with that. But my main concern is the idea of not getting lost in all of it. Any and everything you think you own (not to sound gloomy and all, but,) can be lost in a breeze. Yes, you should aim for that job, and work for that promotion. Purchase nicer clothes if you can — and dine fine. But in the end — you own nothing. And not just material items, but people too. If you feel like you ‘lost’ someone, it wasn’t a loss. You returned them. They weren’t yours to begin with. Nothing ever was. Not even your own body. It’s just a vessel you’re occupying for a while. So, note to Cüneyt: Don’t get too attached, least of all to people. Not even to yourself, because in the end, we lose everything we thought we owned, and everyone we had access to. Understand that everything is transitory — and is best enjoyed in the brief instance they exist. Once you understand this, you’ll free your mind.
Yes, rooting your motivations in worldly possessions could prove useful — especially in the West. But I think it’s best to remember what they are, and not take them to mean more than what they are.
So, what made me think about all this? Well, let’s just say that I’ve… had an experience with a certain someone — and they are no longer here. They’re alive, it’s just that they’re no longer.. here. So yes, you own nothing, hence it’s not worth getting attached. Best to keep that in mind moving forward.
As it turns out, I’m not the only one with this realization. Here’s a little something by the great stoic: Epictetus, which I think highlights all this perfectly:
In the case of particular things that delight you, or benefit you, or to which you have grown attached, remind yourself of what they are. Start with things of little value. If it is china you like, for instance, say, ‘I am fond of a piece of china.’ When it breaks, then you won’t be as disconcerted. When giving your wife or child a kiss, repeat to yourself, ‘I am kissing a mortal.’ Then you won’t be so distraught if they are taken from you.
– ENCHIRIDION, CHAPTER THREE, EPICTETUS, TRANSLATION BY ROBERT DOBBIN
If you’d like to read more about it (I know I do):
Time: 1:22am CST
Listening to: Night Rider — Joji ✨